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Loving My Selfish Twenties

September 2, 2010

Lauren London is bit of an exception. If all mothers in their early twenties had a situation like her's, I'm assuming their lives would probably be a heck of a lot easier.

Yesterday I was watching that MTV show “If You Really Knew Me” (trust, I still don’t have cable-I was at the bf’s house) and I had never seen it before. But basically for those of you who don’t know, it’s a show centered around bringing a variety of students from the same high school together through a number of counseling activities. All the students involved consist of kids who hang out in different cliques from macho football players, to the less popular shy kids. Through the activities, the students began revealing things about their lives they never revealed before and realized that they were not so different from their peers they had never imagined befriending.

It reminded me of my days in high school as a peer mediator. And what intrigued me about the show is that these kids had so many adult issues. As I was watching the show I got into a conversation with my bf, his roommate, and his roommate’s friend about what kids go through these days and somehow we started talking about teenage pregnancy and how many of us knew people who were pregnant or had gotten pregnant while still in high school.

It amazes me to see that kids in 2010 are not taking precaution in wrapping it up while doing the do! I mean really with all these shows out here (especially with MTV programming like “True Life” and “16 and Pregnant”) showing kids all the reasons to wear a condom and NOT get pregnant, you’d think they’d get it by now.

And yes, most kids need to learn things the hard way. Some kids think that they are invincible and that nothing will ever happen to them. They have to make the mistake of doing that very same thing they were told a million times not to do, before they learn for themselves. I can definitely attest to being that way when I was a teen.

But there was no way in HELL I was going to let my self get pregnant! Trust and believe I was so adamant about not letting that happen to me, that I was almost paranoid about it.

Even now, at 25, I can’t imagine having a baby. I’m nowhere ready, willing, or waiting for a baby to depend on me.  Thanks to people’s updates on Facebook, I already know a good amount of people I went to school with that have kids and I am not jealous one bit.

I’m just not ready for all of that yet. And even though I’m in a relationship, sometimes I wonder if I ever will be. There are times where I can envision myself in the future married, with my lil’ rugrats running around my mansion (I always like to think big y’all) wrecking havoc. But sometimes I wonder if I will ever be mature, prepared, and unselfish enough to devote my life to a child? Hopefully it will kick in when I’m in my thirties. But right now in my mind, instead of thinking of children as one of God’s greatest gifts that I could ever receive, I envision them being roadblockers in getting what I want out of life.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I know myself, and right now having little ability to focus is still one of my weaknesses that I am working on. I already have a hard enough time focusing on my life goals even without having kids, let alone trying to accomplish something if I had a baby to be responsible for. And my life goal was never to be a “housewife” or stay at home mom and for some girls it was. Is it wrong of me to think of that as sad?

I’m not saying that those are not worthy titles to have (actually I don’t see “housewife” as one since I envision a housewife as a stay at home mom without kids…lol), but I feel that all females including myself have so much more to offer the world in addition to giving birth. I’m probably making it sound like having kids is the end of the world, but I know that having them makes doing everything else for yourself tens times harder.

I am in no way trying to jab or look down on women who get pregnant in their early twenties. In actuality, I have so much respect for anyone that does, only because I can’t imagine how I would handle being in that position. Being a mother is the most selfless job in the world. And for that reason alone, I appreciate these years I get to be selfish and don’t have to put on my life “on hold” because right now, it doesn’t have to be. 

Being in my twenties won’t last forever, but kids will.

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