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A Confession

March 2, 2011

I

am

a

Yes I would mind if you joined me.../jacuzzikillers.com

LONER.

No, but seriously I am and I am not one bit ashamed or embarrassed about it.

Okay so let me explain. I’m not the type of loner that doesn’t have friends and is just anti-social. I’m like the type that has friends and sometimes chooses to be anti-social.

Don’t get me wrong. I love hanging out with my good friends, cracking jokes, and making memories. A LOT of the most fulfilling times in my life were ones that included my friends and I, so me saying this is not to discredit or ignore the great impact they have on my livelihood (and when it comes to relationships, this is also not to say that I’d prefer to be single!).

I just know that I am a loner and enjoy being one.

I LOVE shopping by myself. I love spending as much or little time in a store as I want to. Without pressure to spend or not spend my money. Roaming aisles freely without a care in the world.

And though I’m not doing this currently, I LOVE living by myself. I can walk around with minimal clothing whenever I please. And there’s nothing better than coming back my house after a long day and everything is exactly the way I left it. When I clean my space, it only gets messy when I mess it up.  I never have to worry about someone else’s vision of a mess being messier than my own. Guests come when I want them to and DON’T overstay their welcome. The condition of my things are just as good as I keep them. . And nothing competes with spending as much time in the bathroom as I need to handle all my business without having to worry about someone interrupting me.

I LOVE being by myself.  Alone with my thoughts.  Doing my thing, whatever that may be. Not answering to anyone but myself.

I remember going to the movies by myself for the first time ever a few years ago. I went to go see “Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist”.

allmoviephoto.com

And let me tell you I enjoyed every minute of it. Not just because I was alone, but because it was a good movie. I had always wanted to go to the movies alone at least once to see what it would be like, and the experience didn’t disappoint.

And I’ve always wanted to do the whole Eat, Pray, Love “backpacking in Europe” thing by myself. I have this thought that going away to a foreign place alone is one of the best ways of getting to know yourself. There is no one around that you know that can judge you, and you are in a completely new element with only yourself to rely on. It’s like a way of starting fresh with yourself.

I don’t know if me saying that I was raised as an only child is explanation enough for this confession. My older siblings didn’t live in the same house as me so I was only surrounded by kids in my age range when I was in school or after school playing outside. And despite having a plethora of friends, there were several things that I had to go through by myself. My parent’s divorce was one huge event I went through alone. Another thing, which was a result of that event, was moving across the country away from everything I knew in my world.

So, in a way, there have been times where I feel I’ve had to rely on myself to get through hard situations in my life. There were times were I had to be my own best friend. Which is probably why I have no qualms with being by myself. I can 100% guarantee that I have my back. And there aren’t many people you can say that about in your life.

Not everyone can appreciate nor handle being by themselves for long periods of time.  And quite honestly I think that’s a bit sad. Just as much as it’s important to have people in your circle that enrich your life, it’s just as important to find serenity in solitude. It’s healthy. I think one of the most powerful aspects in my life is being at peace within the comfort of my own company. And that’s something I definitely don’t take it for granted.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 10, 2011 5:15 pm

    *Co-signing

    I too am a unapologetic loner, it’s okay to be alone 🙂

  2. EscoWhitey permalink
    June 8, 2011 1:51 pm

    You said it way better than I ever could.

    I like your style.

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